Blues

This post may be a bit of a downer, so reader beware.


Do you ever have days where you just wake up sad? Today is one of those days. I have every reason to be happy today: I don't have work, I got to sleep in, there was a thunderstorm today, and I took a candle-lit bubble bath during the storm while; outside, I could hear Robby cleaning the kitchen. I should count myself the luckiest and happiest person on the face of the planet. But I just feel sad.

As far as I can tell there's one basic reason why I feel sad -- besides hormones or something -- I'm a lottle-bit baby hungry. It seems to be all around me. 95% of my friends are having babies this year. I so wish Robby and I were in a position where we could have a baby. I know how much he wants to be a dad and I want to be a mom so bad it hurts. But it's just not even possible right now.

Every time I see a pregnant woman or that one of my friends is having or just had a baby or a sweet, little, innocent baby face my heart just breaks with longing. I would love to feel a little baby growing inside of me. I would love to know that Robby and I had created life together. Even though I'm terrifies of labor, I'm still sure that it's 100% worth it just to be able to hold that warm, cubby little one in my arms. My heart aches to me a mom. But it could be years until Robby and I are at the point where we can have a family. I know it will eventually happen, but it might not happen for years. I just want it so badly. I don't know how to suppress these feelings. I want to have a baby so bad sometimes that I just want to cry. Today is one of those days.