Blues

This post may be a bit of a downer, so reader beware.


Do you ever have days where you just wake up sad? Today is one of those days. I have every reason to be happy today: I don't have work, I got to sleep in, there was a thunderstorm today, and I took a candle-lit bubble bath during the storm while; outside, I could hear Robby cleaning the kitchen. I should count myself the luckiest and happiest person on the face of the planet. But I just feel sad.

As far as I can tell there's one basic reason why I feel sad -- besides hormones or something -- I'm a lottle-bit baby hungry. It seems to be all around me. 95% of my friends are having babies this year. I so wish Robby and I were in a position where we could have a baby. I know how much he wants to be a dad and I want to be a mom so bad it hurts. But it's just not even possible right now.

Every time I see a pregnant woman or that one of my friends is having or just had a baby or a sweet, little, innocent baby face my heart just breaks with longing. I would love to feel a little baby growing inside of me. I would love to know that Robby and I had created life together. Even though I'm terrifies of labor, I'm still sure that it's 100% worth it just to be able to hold that warm, cubby little one in my arms. My heart aches to me a mom. But it could be years until Robby and I are at the point where we can have a family. I know it will eventually happen, but it might not happen for years. I just want it so badly. I don't know how to suppress these feelings. I want to have a baby so bad sometimes that I just want to cry. Today is one of those days.

This is Your Birthday Song

 We went to Blackfoot over the weekend to celebrate the birth of the love of my life. I'm so grateful for my wonderful husband.

We started out with a little rock climbing

It's a little hard to tell, but I'm standing on the edge of a cliff here. We repelled down about 70 feet then took turns climbing back up the cliff. I only made it up about a 1/3 of the cliff, but my amazing husband not only climbed it twice but also lead climbed a really hard part of it. He's so impressive!

 On Sunday we celebrated Robby's birthday with his family. His wonderful mom made him pudding cake.
Recipe:

Bake a white cake
Mix up 2 packages of chocolate pudding
While the cake is still warm, poke holes in the cake about 1.5 inches apart
Fill the holes with half of the pudding
Refrigerate the cake until completely cooled
Spread the rest of the pudding over the top of the cake
Serve chilled

 Then Robby opened presents. Yay presents!

 Robby's parents got him Nesquik, a pancake turner, and cash. Awesome! And I got him a pair of Vibram Five finger shoes. He's barely taken them off since he got them. Win!

To top off the birthday celebrations, I made Robby a Chocolate Peanut-butter Mousse Cake
I Love Robby Williams!!! Happy Birthday love.

Chocolate Peanut-butter Mousse Cake

Original recipe found here

Recipe:
Ingredients:

8 oz (230 g) peanut butter cups; 4 oz cut into 1⁄2-in pieces, 4 oz coarsely
chopped
Freshly mixed batter for one 10-in (25-cm) Devil’s Food Cake layer (recipe below)
Peanut Butter Mousse
6 oz cream cheese, at room temperature
3⁄4 c up creamy peanut butter, at room temperature
3⁄4 c up powdered (icing) sugar
1 c up cold heavy (double) cream
1 tsp vanilla extract (essence)
2 c ups (480 ml) ganache (recipe below), cooled until thickened but pourable
Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C/gas mark 4). Butter the bottom and sides of a 10-in (25-cm) round cake pan. Line thebottom with parchment (baking) paper and butter the paper.
2. Use a rubber spatula to stir the 4 oz (115 g) cup of peanut butter pieces into the cake batter. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake until the top feels firm when lightly touched and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Cool the cake in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes.
3. Use a small, sharp knife to loosen the cake from the sides of the pan, and invert the cake onto the wire rack. Carefully remove the paper, then place it loosely on the cake. Let the cake cool thoroughly, then discard the paper.
4. To make the peanut butter mousse: In a large bowl, using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the cream cheese and peanut butter until smoothly blended. On low speed, mix in the powdered (icing) sugar until it is incorporated. The texture will not look completely smooth. Set aside.
5. In a clean large bowl, using clean beaters, beat the cream and vanilla on medium-high speed until firm peaks form. Whisk about one-third of the whipped cream into the peanut butter mixture. Use a rubber spatula to gently but thoroughly fold in the remaining whipped cream. The mousse will be smooth.
6. Invert the cake onto a serving plate so that it is top up. Leaving a 1-in (2.5-cm) plain edge around the top of the cake, use a small, sharp knife to cut out the center in one piece to create a cavity about 1 in (2.5 cm) deep. Break the removed cake into pieces about 1 in (2.5 cm). Use a metal spatula to spread about one-third of the mousse in the hollowed-out center of the cake. Put the cake pieces over the mousse, mounding them toward the center. Spread the remaining mousse over the cake pieces. It will cover the cake. Refrigerate the cake until the mousse is firm, about 30 minutes.
7. Ganache recipe
8. Use a spatula to spread the ganache over the top and sides of the cake. Scatter the 4 oz (115 g) chopped peanut butter cups over the ganache. Use a large, sharp knife to cut the cake, carefully wiping it clean after cutting each slice. Serve cold.

The cake can be covered and refrigerated for up to 2 days.
Makes 12 to 14 servings
Mixing time 30 minutes for cake, mousse, and ganache
Baking 350°F (180°C/gas mark 4) for about 40 minutes

Serve with a tall glass of milk. Trust me, you'll need it.