To all my married friends:
Did the thought of getting married every scare you? Maybe it's just me. But sometime the concept of marriage and being married totally freaks me out.
Maybe it's because I hear of experiences where the husband did a complete 180 after the honeymoon ended. He stopped talking; he stopped helping; he stopped listening; he stopped caring.
Maybe it's because so many couples focus on the bad. Even the wives of my current bishopric tend to lean heavily on the frustrations in their marriages.
Maybe it's because I work at a battered women's shelter and see a lot of domestic violence cases with women who are beaten and bruised by their husbands.
Maybe it's because I've never really had to be committed to anything in my life (except family and the gospel). But my life has always been very fluid. I've changed schools. I've changed states. I've changed majors.
I've had numerous apartments and roommates. A hand-full of different wards. My jobs have never really been the "long-term career" type. So maybe the concept of being with one person day in and day out for eternity puts my stomach into knots.
Hopefully I can overcome this fear someday.
Brittany! I love that you are venting your worries. I think it is totally normal to be concerned, especially when you work at a battered women's shelter. I remember everyone saying that it takes a lot to get used to being married and that the first year is the toughest. But it was not that way at all for us. We kept commenting on how natural and smooth everything seemed to go. The smoother things went the more convinced we were that we were doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteOf course there can be frustrating things in marriage. Anything can frustrate you if you let it. But it is important to trust in the Lord and if he directs you to do something, then it is a good thing. It is important to learn from your negative emotions that something needs to change, most likely in yourself, to make the journey as joyful as possible.
Just because I am with the same guy for the rest of my life definitely doesn't mean my life will be the same for the rest of my life. It means that I will have an incredible person to lean on through those changes and to confide in all the time. I rarely use the word "I" anymore. It always seems to be "we" and "us", which is an incredible thing!
Ok, I am done with my ranting. I hope that maybe helped take your stomach out of knots a bit. We should definitely talk soon, cuz I miss you and you're amazing! :)
Yes there were times that I was a bit afraid to get married. But once Marcus came home a lot of my fears and doubts subsided. We had known each other for so long and in so many different circumstances that I knew that he would be who he was even after the honeymoon. The only fears that came to my mind were wondering if I would ever get bored of being with him 24/7, but as we kept dating and were engaged I knew that wouldn't happen. Then my last fears were just financial fears. How were we going to pay for everything. All I did here was trust in the Lord that if Marcus and I did our best that He would provide a way. Way to be honest and get those feelings out there :)
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a HUGE decision, so naturally, it's very scary to actually make a choice. I think what finally did it for me is when I realized I was more afraid of letting Preston go than giving myself to him. I couldn't, and still can't, imagine where my life would be without Preston and our family. It feels so natural and right and we're still in love. But, there's always different experiences for different people. The important thing is that it's ok to be afraid as long as you rely more on your faith than your fear. Those are my thoughts :)
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